Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
