Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
