I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
