you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
