I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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