Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
