You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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