remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I met the friendliest cop last night
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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