when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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