Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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