everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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