So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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