Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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