Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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