I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
