Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she smelled like a LAN party
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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