Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
