is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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