My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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