dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
