Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
