i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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