go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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