The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
