Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
