I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
