meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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