Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
