I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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