The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
