there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
