Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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