Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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