He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
