I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
