Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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