Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
