I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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