Porn is love you can see.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
