It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
