Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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