Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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