how do flat chested girls get laid?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
