I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
