Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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