Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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