No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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