I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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