Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
