It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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