new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
