are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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