omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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