I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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