i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
