I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
