Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ate ashes out of my bong
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
