Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
