Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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