Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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