Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
