Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
