DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
