Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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