I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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