yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
