Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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