Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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