windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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