just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
